Today is June 30, 2018. Exactly one year ago today our world was turned upside down. The path we thought we knew well was altered into one we knew nothing about. This wristband seized us like iron shackles.
Painful, unexpected and brutal in so many ways. And yet, the Lord brought this upon us. The Lord walked Matt and I into that doctor appointment that day. "If God foresees molecular developments becoming cancer, he can stop it, or not. If He does not, He has a purpose." John Piper I didn't usually go to his doctor appointments with him. He had been having strange symptoms and I just felt I should go along (you know, ladies, to make sure he would be honest and tell the doctor the whole truth). Looking back at that day, it was a hectic day. Matt went to work before the appointment. I was in deep with the kids. I was tempted to just stay with the kids and keep things sane at home. Matt asked me to come so I did. So many of our "dates" were errands after all . :) After the blood work looked alarming, we were sent to the hospital for some scans. We were still reaching for control as we looked up gall bladder symptoms on our smart phones in the waiting room. After the scans and waiting a long time in a suffocating waiting room the doctor came in and told us the news about the cancer. The doctor prayed with us together and I am so thankful I was there with Matt that day. "Since He is infinitely wise, it is right to call this purpose a design." John Piper
Although it was an excruciating day of sobbing, heartache and disappointment, I can sit here a year later and be thankful for several things.
So thankful for 1. Matt's spiritual leadership to our kids and I. He led us all in a prayer of surrender that dreadful day. He believed and strongly lived out that his life was centered on the fact that Jesus died for him and that he was already rescued from death. Cancer could not abduct that!
2. The love and care of so many we call family and friends. Matt called his family and a few friends. He prayed with some, he taught others, and he comforted even in his discomfort.
3. He held me that day. For a long time. Both of our minds and hearts were dumbfounded. He assured me that "we must not blame God, but choose to praise Him to whatever end". And he did that well.
Job 42:11 states that "All his brothers and sisters and everyone came and ate with him in his house. They comforted and consoled him over all the trouble the LORD had brought upon him, and each one gave him a piece of silver and a gold ring."
As I sit here, a year out, and stare at that wristband and all that it signifies, I still choose to praise Him. Or, as John Piper so well puts it, "We waste our cancer if we do not believe it is designed for us by God." His booklet Don't Waste Your Cancer has some real nuggets of hard to understand truth.
I admit that I do NOT understand the design or purpose of God allowing this into our lives. But cancer can't change the truth that God is still on His throne, He still determines all the days ordained for us before one of them comes to be. (Ps 139:16) Thank you for your continued prayers for all of us.