A blessing from difficulty... the consciously needy heart.
Another beautiful thing happened today. The music people were out of town at our humble church, and we sang hymns. The guy leading the songs begged me not to post on this (he did fine, and we love him for more than his voice... he's a godly friend, and those are truly rare), but I must because God taught me something special today.
It's ironic the previous week we had visited our former church in the Houston area that has near professional quality music. However, this week was so much more a blessing. One of the songs we sang was Amazing Grace today. What made singing that today acappella better than the concert the week before?
This week, due to the trial of chemo, I was more aware of my need for Christ, and as a result I craved every word we sang. It's not like I didn't need every word the previous week, but there is a blessing to being in a situation where you are aware of your need: a consciously needy heart, compared to the curse of an unconsciously needy heart.... where I unfortunately have spent too much of my life. We always need Him, but we aren't aware of it enough.
As I look back, the greatest times of my walk with Jesus have been the times of greatest need and vulnerability. Rich times those have been. While I can't say I would ever choose this trial, I do have to say, it is a wonderful joy to be in a place where every prayer offered for me reminds me of God's presence, every act of kindness inspires me to praise Him, etc.
All that to say, if you find yourself content and unassailable, I encourage you to find a way to be vulnerable to Jesus and His work in your life. There is too much to be missed in the incredible intimacy He offers. I wasn't moved to tears by professional music. I was moved to tears by honest, humble voices from people I love and who love me lifted this morning, and most of all, because my vulnerability left me more exposed to His grace... and His grace never disappoints. I love you.