I started the day in 2 Corinthians 12 where Paul was pleading with the Lord to take away his "thorn in the flesh." I honestly say I understand that passage a little better than I ever did before... just wish I also got the revelations with it... :) God said no to Paul. Honestly, I don't want Him to say no to me.
Then, it seemed like it was a day of reminders, and not many of them were kind ones. I found myself in a rut of repetitions. At work, I seemed to round every corner greeted with a reminder that my body had failed me. Failed me by sidelining my work ambitions, damaging any sense of associated accomplishment, failed me while walking the 100 yards into the building by making it a painful workout, and it failed me as I was facing some annoying pains I hadn't "entertained" in a while.
In addition, I was once again in the difficult spot of being hungry, but between the chemo effect on my taste buds where nothing really tastes good and that I need to eat extremely healthy food, which honestly doesn't taste good* compounded to make the time of replenishment a time of discouragement.
By the time dinner was done, I wanted to throw in the towel. Best way to describe what I was feeling was it is like being 1/3 of the way into a long run. During a run, there's the initial "I'm going to conquer this thing" euphoria, but at some point, the first repeated pains start happening and you realize this isn't a sprint. You're now turning a corner, and the long stretch of the battle becomes very apparent.
That's kinda where I was after dinner, and I just confessed to Sara with my optical lubrication over producing again, that I wasn't sure if I had what it takes to run this one.
Yes, it was a pity party. It's OK to call that out.
You see, He never stops amazing me. True to His pattern so far of grace upon grace for every time of weakness, He reminded me of "the rest of the story" of what I had read this morning:
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
One good repetition deserves another. And... this one trumps the others. God reminded me that His grace in Christ is everything... just like what He was screaming to me Day 1.
We need God's repetitions just like a divine drill sergeant repeating the steps for core battlefield skills, or an aviator's emergency procedures. He drills them over and over and over again until they become burned into our souls... because of our tendency to chase after bright and shinys or in this case, get consumed with the dark and gloomies. His relentless instruction is a display of His love to take our weakness to make us strong... not in ourselves, BUT IN HIM.
Thanks to God's Word, I didn't have the throw in the towel today. While I can't say veni vidi vici, I can say God did conquer today ... and I'm OK with that.
*So, as a sidenote, I do know a group of people I pity more than me... Vegans. To be truly healthy for the cancer fight, vegan food is a good option. However, I do it out of necessity. However, to chose such a tasteless lifestyle out of principle??? That deserves true pity. I am sorry if that offends any vegans reading this comment, but I am mostly sorry if you are a Vegan.